By: Dr Yasmin Abo Zaanooneh, mother of four

As moms, we go through many daily dilemmas that start from the day our children are born: Do we breastfeed or bottle-feed? Do we give natural remedies or take them to the doctor? Do they need to go to a nursery first or do we send them to kindergarten straight away?

And as our children grow older, these questions become deeper and seem to be of more significance - at least at the time the questions arise. Like what stream of high-school education will they get into? Where will they go to for university? What career path will they choose? And maybe sooner than we think, who will be their life partner?!

This will make having to decide on the brand of their first walking shoes look trivial, which, at the time, was the most important decision we were making for them. But what we can all agree on as parents, is that we want to help our children and it’s a no-brainer that we don’t even think about it; we just jump in and help. It’s a natural response or reflex; we see them fall and we pick them up, we see the look in their eyes before they cry and we run to comfort them so that they don’t shed a tear.

Do we think that our involvement -or over-involvement-  in every detail in their life is helpful? That by doing what we do as parents “for our children” is causing more harm than help?

A couple of years ago, my son had his graduation project's presentation and he spent the last few days before the event preparing his research notes, papers, posters, etc. On the morning of his presentation, I drove him to school - he usually goes by bus, helped him carry his things into the car's boot and dropped him off with wishes and prayers that he and his partner will do well.

Also that morning, I had a couple of errands to run before my appointments with my patients at the clinic. Just 45 minutes after I'd dropped him off, my son called me asking for help (and he sounded desperate). “Mom, I need your help, PLEASE!” he said. “What is it dear?” was my answer. “I forgot my suit at home and I need it for the presentation. I have to wear my suit!” Amid all the things he put in the car in the morning for the presentation, he forgot his suit hanging in his room!

I took a deep breath and thought to myself: What do I do?! What do I do to help my son? What is the best form of help I can give him? I looked at my watch and thought: With the morning traffic jam, it will take me a couple of hours to go back home, take his suit to school and then get back to work - I was already quite far from home.

Then I said to my son: “Darling, take a taxi and go pick up your suit.”

“Mom, I need to prepare for my presentation with my friend and I also forgot my wallet at home and don’t have any money to get home! Please get me my suit.”

I kept calm and said: "That’s easy dear, borrow some money from your friends until you get home and get your wallet!” He begged a few more times but eventually knew that it was a waste of time and he might as well go pick up his suit himself.

A friend of mine called me a bit later on and I was upset - I don't know if I was more upset that he'd forgotten his suit or at myself for not jumping to his rescue. I told her what happened and she kindly suggested that she could pick up my son’s suit and take it to him. I thanked her and said that I could do it too but that wasn’t the point.

The point was that he would be leaving to study abroad in a few months’ time and there would be no one there to pick up anything for him if he needed them to.

Would my action of getting his suit for him be more helpful than him going through the trouble himself? Would I be saving him from any repercussions he may experience in the future when he doesn’t complete his work? Would he love me less if I didn’t? Or would it make me feel more important that things wouldn’t work out if I hadn’t been there?

What was crucial was for him to take full responsibility and ownership for his work and not me being a superhero mom and coming to his rescue.

Our urge to jump in, to take care of every detail of our children’s lives may be more hindering to their learning and growth than we realize. And by the way, I’m the same mom who would rush to deliver a forgotten lunch box to school and who would re-brush the teeth of my 13-year-old to make sure they’re squeaky clean; however, I believe that as parents, our responses should leave enough space for our children to develop a strong muscle of responsibility.