Relationships are complex. I am not an expert, but marriage is not the simplest of relationships. So let’s take off where we left off in my first article (The man of your dreams: fact or fiction?) and find out how to overcome some major obstacles between spouses, especially after the first child is born.

With the firstborn baby, worry now becomes part of the family as many changes come with the arrival of your first child.

And it’s not only women who have a lot to adapt to; I will cut men some slack here as fathers also go through major changes after a baby comes along. Some might get a little jealous while others will be on cloud nine.

I imagine most men do not open up easily, unlike women; we are often more emotional and expressive. It’s fair to say that sometimes we can’t tell what is going on inside a man’s head and it’s difficult to put a finger on how they’re dealing with change.

To give you an idea of how to deal with all this confusion, let me start with what is of the utmost importance:

Communication

Talk, talk and talk. Though some might believe that understanding can come without the need to talk, but I believe a lot is lost in silence.

I wish it was as simple as it was in high school, but it’s more real now. We need to sit down and let it all out and let each other know what our needs are, what bothers us, what makes us happy, etc.

Let’s also talk about acceptance, since this is a big deal too.

I’m telling you, my dears, accepting one another fully is not the easiest task but once we achieve it, even when it takes more time than we’d like, things do get easier.

We then become more comfortable with each other and that gives us the time to refocus on more crucial matters. Some say “always see the good in people and take it from there!” Let’s do that. Moms, there is an important thing we have to remember, and I’m applying this to myself as well: we can be hard on our husbands sometimes, especially when we are under a lot of pressure with sleepless nights, fatigued bodies, endless chores and so on. But we need to be careful about not pushing our spouses away and need to remind ourselves to breathe a little.

This takes us back to the distribution of responsibilities between spouses, and I want to tell all the fathers out there that helping with house chores and children doesn’t make you less of a man. Believe me!

On the contrary, it shows love and care from your end, so let go of the false notion that this is not a man’s job. However, I don’t wish to disregard that every couple is different with different circumstances, and not all moms or dads have an equal amount of time with the kids.

Each of us, either man or woman, should be honest with ourselves before being honest with others. For example, I know what my flaws are and that is half the solution. Dealing with them correctly is a different story. Never hesitate to take advice from others who have more knowledge and experience. Accept criticism, even if it's harsh. 

We can overcome anything with communication and respect. There will still be some tough days, but they won't last long. I strongly advise couples to find some time alone and do the things they like together every once in a while, be it reading, working out or travelling. Most of all, don't give up and do your best to make things work.