By Coach Dana Daoud, icanbee.com

Not one parent I know has kids that never get into fights, clashes, quarrels and loud and sometimes vicious arguments at home, and I know many parents.  As kids I’m sure we’ve also had many fighting episodes with our siblings. 

So, this situation even though as parents, we find it difficult, frustrating, time consuming and even heartbreaking - especially during this lockdown when our kids are around 24/7 - is completely normal.

But is there a solution?  What can we do now for our own peace of mind and sanity!

There are always two solutions to fix anything, a quick fix - remember the time when your husband tried to fix the bathroom sink with sticky tape - and a long-term solution. 

The quick fix can end the problem now only for it to happen again tomorrow or even after 5 minutes, you know what I’m talking about…

But the long-term solution, will fix it permanently.

Today, I am going to share with you my top-secret tools that I teach all my clients to help them build stronger bond between their children during lockdown or anytime:

1. Children need to feel loved and valued individually.  When you fill each child’s emotional tank equally then there is no need to compete for your affection. 

Spend special time with each child separately playing, talking or asking them to help you with a house chore. 

It doesn’t have to be long sometimes just 10 minutes of your undivided attention is enough to fill their emotional tank completely.

2. Teach them healthy conflict resolutions skills by modeling it yourself -kids close their ears to advice and open their eyes to example.  The most effective conflict resolution steps I found to resolve any argument are:

• Teach your child ways to calm down and manage their anger.
• Help them state the problem using “I” instead of “you” and express how they feel about it.
• Help them recognize their mistake and apologize for it.
• Teach them to always find a win-win solution that makes everyone happy.

3. Never take sides, listen and don’t attack, help them express their needs and feelings and resolve thing their way.
    
4. For young children, ensure that kids are well rested: make sure they get their age appropriate hours of sleep and don’t skip naps or rest time. 

Sleepy and tired kids are grumpy kids that are more likely to get into fights.
 

5. Notice and promote activities that get siblings to play together: whether kids are of the same age or there is a gap, there’s always at least one game they enjoy playing together. 

When they are having a bad day, create an activity that they all love and enjoy like watching funny animal videos, baking cookies, exercising, etc.
 

6. Catch them being happy and never interrupt them: when you catch them playing happily support them and provide what is needed to keep it going.
    
7. Laugh, dance and sing produce happy hormones and provides positive energy for the whole family, make sure to include it in your daily routine especially during this lockdown.
    
8. Promote bonding rituals such as saying “I Love You” “Good Night” or have the older child read a story to the younger before bed.
    

How you deal with sibling rivalry determines how the children will treat each other. If you punish them, they will punish each other.

If your approach is to work on solving the problem in a mutually respectful way, they will also take the same approach.

And remember you don’t have to take sides, just commit yourself to giving only what each child needs. One child will bound to get more, because they need more. 

But the important point is that each child feels secure knowing that when he needs something, it will be given to him.

[For more information contact I Can Self Development for Kids. Our coaches will be happy to answer your questions].