As a mom I have no doubt of the amount of love you have for your child.  However, when I was asked this question few years ago, it was an “aha” moment for me and it took me a while to answer. Although I am an engaged and connected parent like you, taking a few minutes to list the exact moments when my eyes would light up as my child entered the room enabled me to see that it was always situation based.  Some moments that lightened my eyes were, when he scores a goal, gets a good grade in school, someone complements me on his behavior, he listens to me in front of others and when he behaves appropriately.

As I was thinking of my list, I was shocked to realize that I was proud of my child only when he did something that I approved of. But most of the time, my child only receives my critical or disapproving look.  What hit me, is that my pride unlike my love to him was not unconditional; it was based on his good behavior and achievement.  I realized that just like we are continuously judging one another, our judgement did not surpass the closest beings to our hearts…our kids.

So how did this come about... I realized that our judgements come from two main sources, our ego and our beliefs, and it usually had nothing to do with our kids. Any event or situation that comes our way is scanned and filtered and either ticked OK or rejected. I don't know about you but I don't want my child to be another event.  So, what can I do to change this? I realized that only when we put our ego and beliefs on the side and view the situation from a different perspective with empathy, understanding and gratitude we are able to love and accept our kids unconditionally. I asked myself two questions: What are my child's thoughts right now? and is this my problem or my child's problem?

Let me demonstrate with a situation... When my child gets a low mark on a test, I asked, what are my child thoughts right now? I started to look for clues. Does he look happy or sad? He looks sad… Is he disappointed or is he OK with it? He feels disappointed … Is this my problem or his problem? It is his problem… I provided support. "I can see you are sad and disappointed with your results. Is there something I can do to help?"

Oprah once said that "The common denominator in the human experience is that everybody wants just to be appreciated or validated.”

Our kids want to do well and they really want to make us proud.  Our reaction is what matters at the end. We need to pay close attention to know their heart.  When your child experience you looking them in the eye with joy and acceptance, it fills their heart beyond any physical gift that you could give them.  When our children feel that their most vulnerable self is loved unconditionally they learn how to accept and love themselves. When their presence lights us up they feel special for all the right reasons. Our love is not a reward for good behavior or proud achievements; it is an acknowledgement that they are enough. Love your child and accept him unconditionally and see what a difference it makes! Happy parenting! For additional personal development tips for kids, contact “I Can Self Development for Kids”. Our qualified coaches are happy to provide you with a complimentary consultation and map out a plan to help your child create confidence and success.  Our coaches are certified kids coaches and experts in helping kids.