Valentine is a day of ‘LOVE.’ We take a moment to treat our loved ones and remind ourselves and others why they are special. But what about you? How often do you remind yourself that you are special, loved, and perfect just the way you are? Maybe not so often; Feeling uncomfortable, almost as if you aren’t allowed to tell yourself that you are special and the most important person in your life. But you are, at least, you should be. That is why self-love practice is so important and an unmissable element of your daily routine.

Since we are so uncomfortable loving ourselves, how to start a self-love practice and make it a lasting new lifestyle?

1. Get over your discomfort

Knowing that self-love is an ancient old practice. When the Dalai Lama was interviewed in the west, he was asked how to coop with self-doubt and self-sabotage; he didn’t understand the question. Simply as in his tradition, this doesn’t happen! As self-love is being understood as the basis for self-acceptance. You can’t be at peace with the world when you are not at peace with yourself.

2. Commit to at least one minute a day of self-love practice

Nothing grows without nurturing. Only one minute a day is already a great start. It’s important that you see the importance and then commit to it. It’s all about building up that habit, and 1 minute feels easy to do, so start with that. Any day you want to spend more time on it, you can, but it is never a must.

3. Stop self-doubt and allow yourself to make mistakes

Often we feel insecure about ourselves and think we are not good enough, should have reacted differently, or taken the reaction from someone personally. Often you are mistaken, do not believe everything you think is a phase we should remind ourselves of daily. Since we often tell ourselves stories that aren’t true, but we believe they are!

Besides the fact that often our thoughts aren’t correct, we should also learn to acknowledge that we may make mistakes. We all do. Why are you forgiving a friend, family member, child, or partner but beating yourself up for the smallest things?

Learn to accept that it is okay to make a mistake and forgive yourself, as your loved ones will do so too.

4. Don’t hold a grudge

Forgive yourself and forgive others. Holding a grudge is not bringing any relationship further. Worse of all, it’s bringing your energy level and strength down. Maybe you learned as a child that when someone did something bad to you, you should be angry, you should show your disapproval, but the fact is that this is only hurting yourself. Let go and set yourself free.

5. Stop comparing yourself to others

Another detrimental habit is that we always put ourselves towards a sibling, a group of friends, your peers at work, etc. You are you, in your unique way, and you will never be the other person and shouldn’t.

When you catch yourself doing this, think about the following quote: ‘Life is the most difficult exam. Many people fail because they try to copy others. Not realizing that everyone has a different question paper.’ There is no way you can compare yourself to someone else. We are all unique with our traits.

6. Let go of toxic people

Yes, you can make a radical conscious decision that if someone brings you down 80% of the time, remove them from your life because this isn’t good for you and your well-being, even when you got a long history together. When it’s a family member or someone you can’t let go of, make sure to stay, as long as whatever that person is saying or doing isn’t touching you personally. Always build a wall that these toxic elements are not getting into your system.

7. Surround yourself with loving people

Where you let go of the people that drag you down, invite those who lift you. People who want the best for you, support you, and accept you for who you are.

8. Meditate on Self-love

Meditation is a great way to connect to yourself. Thus, it will help you a lot with accepting yourself and others. There are many ways to meditate. To grow self-love, we recommend using the “Silatha Self-love meditation” series on the Silatha app. More than 50 meditations on the Silatha app can specifically guide you in growing your self-love.

9. Set yourself positive affirmations

Like meditation, affirmations can support you in growing self-love and build a muscle of self-acceptance and self-care. Don’t think about them too long, as you can change them. Think about short lines that are easy to remember, like “I am made of love,” “I was born to be loved,” “I love me no matter what,” and “I am good just the way I am.”… repeat these daily.

10. Set boundaries

Knowing what you’re okay with and what you’re not is important. Therefore spend some time understanding  your boundaries; this allows you to know when to say “yes” and when to say “No.”

You may not be aware of your boundaries and so perhaps tend to say yes, to many people and situations, which end up pleasing others, yet probably not yourself. While this is not an act of self-love, it is an act of wanting to please others so that they might love you. Yet, in the end, it’s at the expense of your well-being.

So knowing your boundaries allows you to see what you’re ok with and what not. A step after that is to implement it. To have the courage to say No when it’s truly a ‘No’ for you, even though it may not feel good to you at that moment. The most important thing is to be true to yourself even though this ‘No’ may not be liked by others.

Remember that you are not responsible for others’ reactions or feelings. No matter what their response is, it is theirs to deal with and not yours.

The same applies to you: only YOU are responsible for your reactions. Remember that you are in charge of your response. What’s important is that you care for yourself and whatever boundaries you have.

Remember that building more self-love doesn’t come overnight. Be patient and soft on yourself. Notice when you act ‘not in line with the core of your self-love.’ By becoming more aware, you have a good chance of doing it differently next time. Already acknowledging this is a great step on your journey.

For more information on Silatha, here is their website and socials.

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